Altruistic Narcissism - Animal Rescue Cooperative (ARC) Article Facebook - 10/8/2022 (Shared)
How could she be so mean?
Why are they always criticising?
Doesn't she see how nasty she is
Am I going mad?
As an animal rescuer you are going to come across people who are narcissists. You may even work with one right now. You can spot them straight away. Constantly criticising others, oblivious to how mean they are, but always talking up their own superiority.
We want to give you some of the literature on NPD so you can be aware of it and learn a bit about managing it. There are two type, Grandiose and Vulnerable, you can read all about the actual condition here. https://tinyurl.com/npdgrand Feel free to forward this post or share with your colleagues. The more people are aware of the issue the better it is to helping solve it.
Firstly, if another rescuer is constantly criticising you, ignore them. You know who you are and what you do. Be confident in yourself. Envy is one the key driving factors in that criticism. Narcissists hate it when others do well and they MUST put them down.
Animal rescue is the perfect environment for someone seeking narcissistic supply. Its very common. By taking in animals you get instant adulation and can demand respect, show superiority, dominance and take advantage of others.
The problems it creates for rescuers is very real. It means that volunteers cant operate to their full potential and it can even impact the care of animals. it means you are not getting the best out of your volunteers and even your vets/partners. They may even quit or avoid your organisation all together.
Signs you may see.
Constantly criticising. Putting down others rescuers and volunteers, always finding fault. They always have a bad thing to say especially when someone else does something good. Often lies. May offer to support your rescue only to get inside your head to abuse your work. They are personally hurt when someone else achieves. Read about why, Narcissists and criticism here. https://tinyurl.com/criticarc
Superiority and adulation, Whilst degrading others. showcasing their own superiority in greater and greater achievements, and “must win” debates on who was the best (I was first to do this, I did this best, it was my idea, me me me) - Read about Narcissistic Superiority here https://tinyurl.com/5waysnpd
Aggressive, always wants to argue and will use/say “anything” to create fights and disharmony. Direct, 1:1 conflict gives them deep satisfaction and the opportunity to win/beat you. Read about Narcissists and arguing here - https://tinyurl.com/nargument
Very quick temper. Can fly into a rage easily over the smallest statement. Do people tiptoe around them? Read about Narcissistic rage (link). https://tinyurl.com/npdrage2
Using others “Flying Monkeys” (Abuse by proxy ) to spread slander, hate, trouble and disharmony for others who volunteer “Why is that person saying these things to others in rescue” it’s a well worn path and predicable. https://tinyurl.com/monkeynpd
Obliviousness (lack of empathy) to the impact they have on others. They can say anything, attack anyone, take advantage of someone without any thought to the impact on others. That's because they don't feel it like others do. Link here https://tinyurl.com/oblivinpd
Entitlement. Lofty goals of success, admiration and having the best of everything, even if it is not real. Sadly this often leads to others in rescue left with the costs to bear. Read about Narcissistic Entitlement here https://tinyurl.com/entitnpd
Blame shifting. Everything is turned around to be your fault. "These animals are sick", you did that, even if they aren't with you "this person is upset", you made that happen. Its your fault. No matter how bad they treat you or what animals suffer. You did it. Why? They can never be accountable for how bad they treat others or the lies/mistakes they make.. Read more here https://tinyurl.com/blamesnpd
Lies, lies and more lies. They will say ANYTHING to discredit someone or change the narrative so they are the superior. Screenshots will be taken out of context, conversations will be spun, and quite literally they will make up complete garbage, knowing most people wont fact check them. Read about Why Do Narcissists Lie So Much? https://tinyurl.com/liesnpd
All this, so that they can be the central point of attention. Only they are the best at rescue, everyone else is bad. They are actually hurt and lose sleep when someone else does good. It sends them into a rage.
The most common targets are foster carers and other rescuers. If you are a foster carer and a narcissist is in your midst, they will fictionalise harder and harder standards of care and ever increasing issues. With this they can control others, control what they feed and how they treat animals, control their time and their lives and constantly have opportunity to belittle and criticise.
Some of the best foster carers I know operate terrified of their organisations leaders. Constant threats to take the animals away, public exposure for the “terrible” care they provide, belittling and devaluing. All to keep you constantly on edge and in fear of what they may to do you.
You may see foster carers terrified of putting up pictures or sharing stories in case the narcissistic rescuer attacks or manipulates the situation. Criticizing food, lifestyle or cleanliness when most of the time the narc is the one with the issue. You do all the work, they want the praise and to do that they have to put you down.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behaviour, even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What’s more, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks.
For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier just to go along with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages. However, by understanding more about narcissistic personality disorder, you can spot the narcissists in your life, protect yourself from their power plays, and establish healthier boundaries.
Once you get the symptoms clear, then you work out HOW to deal with them . . and why normal methods don't work. basically . . appeasing them and giving in, or letting them get close to you doesn't work at all.
If you are foster caring for a Narcissist, simplest thing to do is walk away. You wont change them. If you are being attacked and bullied by narcissist, ignore them. Everyone knows who they are and what they are.
Two methods
Grey Rock- this is the most common one when you still have to work with them - https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock
No contact - this is the ideal one when you don't have to work with them. https://psychologia.co/narcissist-no-contact/
When a volunteer with NPD leaves your org, be ready for the fallout, but don’t take the bait.
Narcissists are incredibly predictable. They are also consistent. If you don't want to walk away from one and you instead have to deal with them, the key is accountability. People with NPD have invariably told a lot of lies and there are people all around them who have had lies said about them. They may have even overextended the entitlement, that may even mean they have taken liberties they shouldn't have (knowing no one will stop them)
If they are in your organisation they will have damaged it. So, make them accountable.
Accountable to what they have said, what they have done and who they have hurt. Constant accountability exposes them for what they are.
The things they will use against you and your org are predictable and everyone around you will know that they are doing it. Saying anything to get to you, making up any story, social media threats and defamation . . sending flying monkeys after you, screenshots and out of context lies. Anything to harm you and change the narrative to them being a hero. Ignore it.
Everyone around them knows who they are and what they are. If they don't, send them this article or one of the many on the web.
LINK to Original Article post on Facebook on 9/8/2022 https://www.facebook.com/groups/mkcfreecycle/permalink/1105691960369419
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Some interesting Videos to watch:
7 Signs Of An Altruistic Narcissist: Covert Narcissist With A God Complex
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7 Things Narcissists Do When They Lose Control Over You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HneSzPXChhM
